CANDY'S TALKING SCALE

Send me good thoughts...

That is the working title of my live action screenplay I am working on...Why Candy? Because I like candy and am not one of those "sugar is death" snobs...and it's ironic because the script is about what it's like to be fat in America...from all sides..believe me, not all of them sweet. Also my scale for my daily medical weigh-ins talks because my eyesight is too poor to read a regular scale...and let me tell you, that robotic woman is my nemesis. I dumped the scale 40 yrs ago...now she's baaak. I am breaking all the "rules" of screenwriting...why not, I spent years learning the rules to break, and I can if I want. The script alternates between "present day"--with Candy relatively thin (see pix)...and flashbacks (supposedly a no-no) to Candy's various experiences with being fat...Her dad calling her names like "baby elephant"...Her Mom pointedly not ordering dessert for herself so Candy wouldn't...The catcalls from boneheads in trucks...The stupid lack of understanding of the very complex phenomenon of obesity, far more complicated than eat less, move more...Back and forth present--past... I have two indie producers waiting to read my script...I even thought of producing it myself...but my filmmaking partner is thousands of miles away and this is probably not his thing...For now, need to write...and am letting my qualms about learning the new version of FINAL DRAFT intimidate me...or is it qualms over the trip down Fat Memory Lane.... I am supposedly on borrowed time now...So it's time to woman up.

It's moi--I am back

I know--bad bad blogger...I have not posted in let's see, that would be FOREVER...A lot has happened to me--I will spare you. But I am still at it and must report I have parted from my animator Sinead Walshe in Ireland..She is great, I won't go into it here...You should hire her if you want some good animation. Details below...
Although I am seeking a new collaborator with animation skills and software, I am also aware that the present covid economy has almost wiped out family movies. Supposedly. And animated family movies are an even more expensive gamble for the suits.
So I am working on a live action script...Yes, I dreamed it like I did my two-full length animated scripts. I may share more later. I will be breaking all the tenets of screenwriting...ooooo, scary.
This is a crazy biz (as you may have heard, heh)... I am trying to adapt...or think out of the box or even find that darn box or whatever...
Send me good thoughts...why don'tcha...
Oh, and if you want to buy my animated scripts or packaged products, despite all this, that would be aces. jkellaw at aol dot com.

She moves! She lives!

NEW YEAR and new progress to report.

My Irish collaborator Sinead Walshe is working on my four main characters for my one-minute trailer for the short cartoon series CHONIE & BOS.  She plucked images from the internet (see below) to give me a choice of feel and tone for each character.

Then she did some drawings and asked me did I like the cat Chonie to have a rounded muzzle or no muzzle, and so on. I thought her first Chonie was too skinny and model-like...kinda unreal world. We wanted her to be a bold, frisky high schooler warts and all (well, not real warts).

This meant some meat on those bones--clearly a kitty who ate food...

Then, since in the trailer Chonie is changeable--angry, jealous, seductive, and so on, Sinead did a compilation of her expressions...EXCITING because finally she MOVED, she was animated...

See above.

This is a very interesting process...I am amped.

Progress on my 1-min trailer--the MOODBOARD

I am trying to learn more about animation as a process by making a 1-min trailer for a short-form cartoon project called CHONIE & BOS. Chonie is a vampy HS student cat who is dictating her "memoirs" to a beagle named Boswell...and in the process she begins to see how her sexy ways may be working against her, even with tomcats.

My collaborator is Sinead Walshe of Cork, Ireland. I had commissioned some studies of the four main characters, which she will tweak. But first she created a Moodboard--of images that "say" Chonie--for the background, which will remain static.

In turn, I did sort of a "word" moodboard of words that describe Chonie in the period the trailer will cover:

Girly

Messy

Boy crazy

Logo conscious

Music

Popular icons

You Tubey

Scattered

Fast zippy

Impulsive

Irreverent

Rule breaking

Sassy

Self-centered

We are trying to mesh our visions...

Tweet Tweet Tweetily Deet

When I became a finalist in the Oaxaca Film Fest , I needed someplace to smug brag.

So I got a Twitter account.

But before I did that, I read up and watched videos about Twitter.

You know the expression, "So much has been written about everything, it's hard to find anything out about it"? Well, that applies.

So finally I just signed up, created some tweets on my projects, hashtagged #animation #cartoons and so on.

I also was told to follow people...so I followed BoJack Horseman (the look and hopelessly sarcastic tone I like for one of my projects), the creator of BoJack (sep account), and some other Hwood spots.

Zap--all their tweets went on my account...chaos. So I muted them. So now I have no idea who sees what.

I have decided it takes time for your excellence to be recognized. Ahem.

Can anyone give me tips? My account also split in two..no idea why.

This is The Blue Bird of Happiness?

My handle is @TheStarLawrence, if you are interested.

Oh--and I didn't win. But it was fun to think about and chat with some tweeters who did win.

Hey--Someone in Mexico likes my script

As a screenwriter, you can pretty much wipe out all your bank accounts entering contests, but I learned of a free script contest at the Oaxaca FilmFest9--coming up in October.

For fun, I sent in my feature-length animated script PAW & ORDER.

Today I was informed that 5% of the thousands of scripts sent were officially selected to be involved
--and PAW was one.

The pitch:

It's New York, the future, animals are educated, have good jobs and are on equal footing with humans. In this comedic takeoff on the famous show,  Det Lupine (a wolf) and Sgt Buzzy (a honeybee) partner up to track down the killjoy who stole two human kids' TV satellite dish. They wisecrack with each other, grill suspects, and finally turn over the thief for a riotous trial. Full of puns, crazy jokes, and more fun than the law allows.

I probably cannot journey to Mexico with my stupid knees and ailments, but I am happy anyway...

You have to take the good with the bad, I always say.

Ole!

Working with the "young bunch"

Where the heck were YOU when I
needed you?

Being "a certain age" is apparently the kiss of death in the movie business, much less the cartoon biz. Well, I cannot turn back the clock--so I better turn out the goods, right?

As mentioned below, I am working through a site called Artella.com, put up by some ex-Pixar guys. From our facetime meetings, I see they are mostly 20s-30s Most have spent with a long time, relatively, in the trenches of animation, which is crazy complicated--but maybe not so much in screenwriting, plotting, character development, adaptation of property, and other skills.

Anyway, I needed a video pitch of my project on Artella--and this turned into a monster project for me. I screened a number of videographers and concept artists (they do "still" drawings of characters). The videographers were two brothers, originally from Peru. They shot me for 3 hours...and boy did I learn again that acting is hard and I am no actress.

I also spent several days tracking down the rights to a version of the old Troggs hit WILD THING for my music.

I had my old filmmaking partner make a cut of the videotape and that did not turn out (long story). So I paid the brothers to cut it--and had to urge them to be bold, put in wacky touches--since when did young people become so conservative?

Then we tangled over the volume of the music...They wanted to dial it way back to almost an indecipherable tinkle...I wanted it raucous--you know, like in a CARTOON!

You can see the results to the right--it's under two minutes...

Yes, others also said the music was too loud, but I am OK with it and it's my call.

Sooner or later, you have to "auteur" this stuff.

Funny thing (hope) happened on way to the trailer

OK--to catch up. I decided to make a short trailer for my cartoon series CHONIE & BOS--using a collaboration site put up by some ex-Pixar guys.

As I began to learn the VERY complicated ins and outs of animation production, I was told I needed concept art. After some very chaotic interactions with artists on Craigs, I finally settled on a guy who drew a few facial expressions for each of my four  cat characters...whew, that took a lot out of me.

But THEN, I learned from Bobby Beck, the honcho at the collaboration site (Artella.com), that I would do better attracting the various skills to my project if I had a "pitch video."

A pitch video would be me talking about my project.

I would probably get my old filmmaking partner Ross Stansfield to cut it together, but I would need the footage--and I am now 2500 miles away from Ross.

About this time, too, it dawned on me that maybe I could use the pitch video to market the project instead of the animated trailer...So I would want good production values, since it would be going to production companies.

I finally found two brothers on Craigs who are starting a video business here in the Phoenix area--Richard and David Carhuayo.

They came yesterday with all their lights and equipment and we did a 3-hr shoot. I am no actress and proved it at first anyway--although I am hoping I loosened up by the end.

It was crazy fun!! Reminded me so much of an earlier live action film Ross and I made and which won a Telly. Curious? You can see that on YouTube under Star Lawrence.

Anyhow, we have not gotten to the rough cut or final cut or any cut stage on the video--so stay tuned.

New undertaking: Making a trailer

A wonderful website called Artella appeared and I caught wind of it and got in early. Started by some ex-Pixar animators, it is a platform for all the disciplines involved in animation to collaborate--either for money or love (with money to come later?).

I decided my short continuing series CHONIE & BOS held the most promise for a sale and decided to make a 1-minute trailer for it.

CHONIE, as I say below, is a vampy cat dictating her memoirs to a beagle named Boswell--and in the process she sees some of the errors of her alley ways and gradually changes.

So far, I have attached a music composer (a professor in Madrid who has scored many projects), a sound man (with many credits), and a voiceover actor (a friend with many movies to his name).

I had early interest from an animation company in Poland but he disappeared on me.

If you read this and decide to sign up with Artella--and you do 2D animation--please seek me out on the site.

We could make beautiful cartoons together.

Meowwww.

New stuff in my town

I have not posted since July--sorry--shameful. My work is under consideration several places at the moment. Makes it hard to type with all my fingers crossed.

I entered the Nick short film competition with my BEE-TWEENZZ (see below) because each episode of that would be a standalone. They keep sending acknowledgments of my entry and when I see those, I think--ACK SHOT DOWN. But no...not yet anyhow.

My long scripts--PAW & ORDER and the sequel--are under consideration by some investors. Think positive thoughts, OK?

I also entered one of my daily blogs--on health--in an American Association for Advancement of Science competition--no word yet. Yes, I know it's not a film.

But what is REALLY exciting is I have a new project underway--QWERKY KIDS CLUB. The core group of three characters are third-graders with what would today be called "disabilities."

--EPPIE is asthmatic and also allergic to peanuts. She has an inhaler and EpiPen at the ready.

--BITE ME is chubby--the most maligned category of this and most other eras.

--SPIN is ADHD. He never stops moving despite his somewhat ineffective Ritalin doses.

They tag up on the first day of third grade (in the pilot) and form an alliance, then get a little clubhouse.

In the episodes, they are the envy of the "normal" kids for their clubhouse, the fun they have, and their ingenious ways of solving problems, lucking out, and foiling bullies (and adults).

Along the way, they meet kids with other issues--one undergoing chemo, one with diabetes, another who lost a foot to cancer but has an awesome prosthetic and a wonderful three-legged dog.

Some people said not to write about sick kids--but these are capable kids with physical issues--not sick kids. Unless you mean "sick" as in totally great.

I am having fun with it...

New cartoon coming to my portfolio

Have you ever heard of Archy & Mehitabel? This was a funny column created by a Chicago columnist named Don Marquis in the 1930s. You can Wackyped it or Google it.

Anyhow, Archy was a droll cockroach who, as Marquis told his readers, was jumping off his typewriter, landing on keys and typing out messages to him about his pals in the underbelly of Chicago. One pal was a fun-loving, if aging and jaded, cat named Mehitabel.

I contacted the columnist's heirs about getting rights--but they never answered.

But this gave me an idea. These idea things always get me in trouble!  I have an old cat in here someplace named Chonie--Spanish for underpants (she has lingerie markings on her stomach).  I like the name (rhymes with "bony") and kept it. Instead of a roach (not fond--lived in the big city for decades), I decided her Boswell should be...well, Boswell, a Beagle mix.

All resemblance to Archy & Mehitabel ends there. Chonie is a MaeWest type, feather boa and all. This is a continuing series--not standalone cartoons.

I am giving the company that rejected my BEE-TWEENZZ (am still marketing those) first look, as they say in Tinseltown. This one even has a character arc!

So I am still at it even if I have not posted in several months. Wish me luck.

My pitch--kaboom in cartoon-speak

I bombed, apparently. If you look below, you see I created a short cartoon starring two characters from my long scripts--THE BEE-TWEENZZ--25 and 849 from Sgt Buzzy's 950-kid brood.

I finally teamed up with an artist--and he drew very nice storyboards of the short cartoon.

I pitched to two people at the cartoon company via Skype (which I also bought and learned).

I was nervous, not having taken a real meeting in some years--most of my freelance work was via email. My real meeting days were back in DC.

I did fine on the Skyping (pat pat), and I think I did pretty well on reading and hyping the TWEENZZ.

But I could see they were not laughing--maybe a smile or two. That told the tale.

Their criticism was that the TWEENZZ skewed too young. To me, puns and irony are sort of
"old," but maybe I did not get this across. That was on me.

But they also said the two did not have a character arc--you know, when a character starts out "bad" and through conquering obstacles, sees a better and presumably "less bad" way to live.

Do cartoon characters have arcs? Yes, they have "acts"--start out, then encounter conflict and obstacles, overcome--yay!

But arcs? Does the Roadrunner suddenly regret all the grief he gave Wile E Coyote and they go for a tequila?

Cartoons characters are predictable--only their situations and mayhem get worse and worse.

A friend told me I was out of touch.

I don't think I am.

But I am also not going to be featured in this company--well, so be it.

By the way, this company is involved with Sponge Bob--is he going to eat a poison Krabby Kake and have to surface and breathe nasty old air?

A cartoonist--found one!

My cat Chonie--or would be if she danced. Yes, she is
named underpants--long story.

After a couple of false starts--see below--I am working in tandem with Dennis McCabe--a very talented artist from Ohio who has done storyboards before.

His depictions of THE BEE-TWEENZZ--25 and 849 in Sgt Buzzy's brood--are fantastic.

To see more of his work, go to: http://dpatrickmccabe.wix.com/dmccabesketchart

We are planning to pitch the cartoon company in a few days.

I am even learning to Skype!

What fun. Fun actually was my original intention with all this--and it's fun again.

I am also signing up with a new thing called Edgee.com -- supposedly blog & Twitter combined. I don't tweet--so this will be an adventure.

Another one of those.

I figured since William Morris Endeavor said my scripts might be too edgy for the animation space--that Edgee was a sign.

I am big on signs.

My fun little detour

OK--I have written the two feature-length animated scripts. I have product. I also had an option offer--but for various reasons, declined it. Months have passed.

The monster agency William Morris Endeavor did talk to me--and then would not talk to me. They said my story was "too edgy for the animation space." Hmpf.

So then I started with the Hollywood Screenwriting Directory, which lists production companies and whether they will entertain email inquiries--most are snippy like WME. Fear of lawsuits, don'tcha know.

I started in the A's--there are 5,000 companies. If they took emails, I checked them on the Internet Movie Database (IMDB). If they had made a movie in 2015 and their fare seemed at least somewhat character and comedy oriented, I emailed or wrote a snail letter.

I got a few replies--one request for the scripts. Have not heard back.

But I also got a request from a BIG cartoon company to submit a storyboard for a 4-5 min cartoon.

I took two of the bee children of my bee detective, Sgt Buzzy--numbered 25 and 849--to be the stars of the little cartoon. I wrote a script. then, while I was at it, I outlined more than 30 other plots for 25 and 849. Planning for success!

A friend's son said he had done animation and would throw together the storyboards--numbered about 40 rough drawings (I can show examples).  He never did anything. Six weeks passed.

Then I finally found another cartoonist who claimed to have worked on the movie VEGGIE TALES and other known properties. I offered him a 50-50 split--let's see where we can get with this. He stalled from day one, he was sick, his family was sick, he had to go someplace, sorry he went back to the same place, etc. After seven weeks--and only two partially completed bees, I let him go. He lashed out--I had no talent and did not understand him. [Eyeroll]

Now, I am back on Craigs--people want in, offer test sketches, then nothing happens.

I have dated "creatives" in the day--I think it's better to date most of them than hire them.

This is making me cranky...

But I am not giving up. Thanks for listening. Cheaper than a shrink.

And--by the way--know any adventuresome cartoonists who can draw animals?

Wow--I have not posted since August, sorry

Back story--I have two scripts available, the main and the sequel. 

PAW & ORDER

In this animated comedy, the cops of Hive-O--a wolf and a honeybee--interview various animals to solve the case of a stolen TV satellite dish, which has left two human kids with no TV. At home, their wives and offspring take over with the fun, puns, and jokes. G-rated.

PAW & ORDER 2: THE THREE  LITTLE WOLVES

In the sequel, Det. Lupine's three wolf cubs rescue an uptalking pig kidnapped by Komodo Dragons and set off events ending in a raucous trial and a heartstopping car "stampede." More puns, jokes, riddles, and fun for kids and parents, too.

I am on site called Inktip.com--where producers can download your script. I also list a short logline (see above) and a much longer synopsis of each.

I have had two companies download the first, original script. One offered me a low-dollar option (see below), which I turned down. The second has not gotten in touch.

No one has downloaded the Sequel as yet.

I have sent more than 50 query emails and paper letters to production companies...Little response. So...are my descriptions boring, animation dauntingly expensive, don't know. 

The Inktip people say to keep changing the listings--I have changed the loglines, but changing the descriptions seems random. I used to have a boss who would throw a memo or paper on my desk and say, "Write something different."

That never helped me much. 

Onward, my babies!

Two scripts available now--the main one and the sequel

They look innocent, don't they?

When I dreamed up my project (literally, scroll down), it was one script--but once I got into into my characters and became friends with them, I thought what the hey--do the sequel.

The description of Paw & Order is above.

This is the Sequel:

Paw & Order 2: The Three Little Wolves

Detective Lupine's three bratty wolf cubs rescue a classmate kidnapped by komodo dragons, setting off a messy trial, complete with honey balloons, and a car "stampede" involving a wolf, bee, bull, elephant, dragon, and some ducklings.  Da dum dum.

I'm quite fond of my honey balloons, by the way--the perfect mess-maker. Sticky, throwable...ah, yes.

So if you know someone who, say, is interested in the next FROZEN, tag up with me and give these a read.

You might have a hit on your hands. But at very least, you will have honey.

Checking in--it's been a month

Not me--I would never wear sandals like that.

I am still at it--faithful followers. For some reason, there are thousands of you. Watching someone try to sell a screenplay or two (in my case) is like poking a sore tooth, I guess--you can't not.

I am to the "trial" part of the Sequel: PAW & ORDER 2: ONE PIG AND THREE LITTLE WOLVES. For more random things about that--go to http://pawandorder2.blogspot.com.

I also listened to a 3-hour phoner (free) from Hal Croasmun, head of Screenwriter U, who offers a well-regarded internet course on the subject ($1100). The phoner was on getting an agent or manager--I got a few tips. I have had two agents in the past and no managers. I think I need a manager.

I had received the go-ahead from a management company, Zero Gravity, to send the script many months ago. Right after deciding maybe to poke around managers, they responded with a pass.

So...universe...is this a hint? Talk about random! Or WAS it?

One way to get attention, Croasmun said, was to own rights to something. I have had this in the back of my mind--but I am trying to keep my ideas there because I need to focus on finishing the second script.

I signed back up with IMBDpro--a rich source of info on movers and shakers. I am still on Inktip.

But I need to apply seat to chair.

By the way--did you read that sitting will kill you?

First feeler to produce Paw & Order!

Not me--I wish

I told you I tagged up with Inktip--a writer-oriented site I knew from decades ago. You list your logline (one or two sentence script description--as in a TV Guide movie description), synopsis (longer), and offer the whole script for upload by producers.

An indie production company wrote me a very promising offer to "option" my two scripts (sequel, too, though it's not finished).

It was a dollar-option--for a buck each, the company would have 18 months to two years to raise money for the films. If both scripts were purchased, the total would have been $200K.

I know--to the outsider--this seems ridiculous--a dollar? Yet, this is done in this business. I had a no-dollar option on the CBS project, which did eventually flush. This was 25 yrs ago.

The producer, a young woman, had done quite a few movies in the $1.2 million range. This would be low for animation, according to what I know.

I agonized for several days, but decided not to tie up my projects for this long a time. I asked for $5,000 instead of one dollar. This didn't fly and they decided they were not so nuts about my script after all, saying it was not action-filled enough for really little kids.

This was an exciting and useful exercise. At least I did not cry for days and quit the business like the first time. Am I more mature? Nah. Just more determined.

Darn that real life

Real life sidetracked my fantasy life. I hate it when that happens. My ex-and daughter's father died unexpectedly and all the stowed baggage of that relationship of 30 yrs ago tumbled out.

Of course, this immediately made me physically ill.

Still, I entered the Nicholl contest with Paw & Order, as well as Scriptapalooza.

But I veered away from working on the Sequel (http://pawandorder2.blogspot.com).

Also, I went on the crazy-hard Copright Office website to register the first script and--funny story--our government does not like ampersands. I have no idea how those two tangled in the past. It would not take my Paw & Order url--and when I tried to change the title to upload it--Bill Gates in his infinite changed the script to European DOS.

Mistake?

I tried again...same.

I could not believe it...again...Then I realized I was deleting my backups and copies. I stopped myself in time. Now I SAVE AS changed name--not try to change the name.

Soooo....that was fun.

As of today, though, I am back on track, have worked on the Sequel two days in a row.

Losing momentum, though, is a scary thing.

All in all, I prefer fantasy world to whatever the rest of this is.

Status update: Effort, no big result yet

First, after completing the first script, I sort of chilled waiting to see if my new-found buds (meaning they answered my email without a snotty "we can't possibly read anything you send us" message) at William Morris Endeavour (WME) would agree to read the script.

I sent kind of half-funny/half-disgustingly obsequious emails. Nothing. Then--finally--I was consigned back to Screenwriter Siberia with a stern letter from THE LEGAL DEPARTMENT (all caps--scary). Leave us alone!

Will do. My humble hope was to make money for all of us--but I am outta there.

Then I signed up with a group I knew about from my earlier writing days--Inkspot. You pay a somewhat modest fee and list your script logline and synopsis for 6 mos. The idea is that producers go there from time to time looking for properties. The place was still around--so I am trying it.

I also entered the script in the Page contest--one of the top ones. I may do one more, not sure. I did not enter contests when I was a mere girl, but now, I don't have time to waste. I need to get the lines out there.

The funny lines.

I also hooked up with a pretty active group on Linked In--and we kick things around.

And, of course, I scour the papers, namely the WSJ, for news of movies and scripts that are selling and making money--then try to contact those involved.

And I am working on the Sequel.

It keeps me off the streets.